Buenos Aires – the city of spice: jaw dropping tango, street markets, incredible steak, and thriving night life. To curb my spending for a few months, I rented an apartment in the neighborhood of San Telmo and found myself some bar work. Every night’s a Saturday when you’re behind the bar and the on the job drinking is both a blessing and a curse. But despite a 95% pay cut, and drastic change in work environment, I still maintain that I’m promoting health, albeit in a different manner.
Visa? No. Experience? No. Spanish? Mas o menos. Hired. The under the table pay is standard in the industry, which worked in my favor. The rest I improvised. I’m notorious for a badly poured beer but eventually managed a passable pint. The drinks were inconsistent and sloppy, at best, but I realized that if you make them with conviction, the clientele are more likely to find you credible. They drank them anyhow.
Stamina
The Argentine have stamina. I´ve seen more sunrises in Buenos Aires than sunsets. And the bleary eyed introduction to the morning is abrupt, and often painful. Amazingly, many take a short sleep for 1 to 2 hours and then go to work, while I sleep most of the day and still wake up disoriented. Our closing time is their happy hour, their closing time our brunch. We gently coerce the clientele toward the door at 8:30am, still cracking liter beers until 8:20am.
Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
It´s full on. While some cultures consider PDA distasteful, Argentines love to express just how they feel, and with zest. Romance escalates quickly – cheek kisses, to open mouth, tongues splaying, heavy petting, to attempting horizontal positioning in booths. And those aren´t even the drunk ones.
Managing the drunk Argentinean Man
The men are very forthright, expressive, anxious to throw all their cards on the table. And in a noisy bar with broken Spanish, I´ve encountered my share of awkward moments. Some typical situations and funny dialogues:
¨The solo drinker hits on the bar maid¨
I try to appear occupied but with a limited range behind the bar it´s inevitable. We start with the standard questions: ¨What´s your name?¨, ¨Where are you from?¨, ¨Do you have a boyfriend?¨, ¨Where is he?¨ Afterwards the drinker continues to demand your attention, calling you over to inquire further. ¨Abbey! Ven! (Come!)…no closer! ¨
¨You´re beautiful.¨ ¨I love Americanas.¨ ¨I keep thinking about your lips on mine.¨ ¨What are my chances?..No, a percentage.¨ ¨I don´t want to make sex with you, I just want you to come to my apartment so we can kiss.¨ ¨Do you want to go to Ibiza with me? ¨ ¨Porque no? ¨
Unfortunately, these situations end poorly with a sulky walk out the door, or my favorite comment, ¨You´ve broken my heart.¨ Occasionally they get the last ¨word¨ in when the customary cheek kiss turns into a rapid head twist and a forceful tongue down the throat. Gross.
Last Call
With my time in Buenos Aires coming to a close, I´ll admit that I´m worn out, several pounds heavier on account of too many pints, and anxious to enjoy my days again. With that said, I invite and encourage you all to experience the city and enjoy all that it offers: cheer at a futbol match, visit the eclectic neighborhoods, meet a passionate Argentine, and consume until morning. Oh, and don´t forget to tip the staff.
Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world. – Semisonic
Ab,
I think you need to go back to PA work!! At least the sexual harrassment should be less. It might be easier if you were a little uglier or a lot older!! Love the glimpses into your journey. Love you lots, Mom
I think maybe we could label the country of Argentina as a 7, no?
And where are you promoting Health here??? Nice try.